Those Toys You Wanted, And The Ones You got!!!
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The one toy I always dreamed of as a kid growing up in the 70s and 80s was a Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. Of course I'd have been the Red Rocker, my brother or any other victim of my plastic fantastic old one-two boxing action would have been forced to be the Blue Bomber. Apparently, I looked this up, in the UK it was call Raving Bonkers. I never knew that, as far as I knew it has always been Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots, which is a much cooler name. I wonder if I'd have wanted it as much, if I had known the rather stupid English name for it. Possibly not. There have been a number of variations over the years, and even up to date Mattel produce a version of the game (with smaller robots!!!) Anyway, now I'm a fully (erm...) formed adult I can afford to get one but not sure I can justify the price of getting my hands on an original 1964 Marx version, imported from the USA. So I just sit longingly admiring them on eBay, watching the bids go up. If my parents has bought me one when I asked, I wouldn't be in this situation. Parents have a lot to answer for when it comes to choosing appropriate toys for their kids.
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Take educational toys for example, especially the rise of the electronic 'educational' toy in the late 70s and into the 80s. We had a Texas Instruments Speak & Spell in our house. I'm sure it was an unwanted Christmas gift my parents got for my brother. The details are shady, but I do remember one laying around our house, dusty and unwanted. Apart from the idea that one day it may come in handy if E.T. landed, and he needed to "phone home" it had zero use in our house. I think it eventually went the way of many electronic 'games' in our house, in that I took a screwdriver to it. You know the kind of thing, "to see how it worked!" And then finding yourself unable to put it back together, it secretly made its way to the bottom of the bin. Never to be mentioned again. Wish I'd have kept it now, Speak & Spells have something very retro chic about them. Oh well!
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One electronic toy that I do remember getting and for some inexplicable reason found myself playing with for hours and hours, despite its limited appeal, was Simon. Now it wasn't the big family sized version pictured here. After all Simon was a 'cool' party game. I mean come on, Simon was first ever launched in 1978 at Studio 54 in New York City You can't get much cooler than that. It was huge at the time, and even back then it quickly developed an iconic status within pop culture. So I was dead excited to dig through my presents, expecting to find a Simon in among the boxes. Eventually I found it, but not the Simon I was expecting. Not the big cool electronic party game, no! My parents bought me a Pocket Simon. A POCKET SIMON?!? No cool party fun for me, I was resigned to sitting in a corner playing the damn thing on my own.
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I'm sure readers have noticed that there's a techie geek theme in amongst the toys mentioned so far, and to be fair the theme continues. This wasn't purposely designed, it is literally the toys and games that came to mind when I set out to write this piece. Anyway next, the Game Boy. Now the Game Boy came out in 1989, I was pushing 20 and had my first son on the way. A responsible adult right? Wrong! I wanted a Game Boy, and so did my brother some 8 years younger than me. Obviously he was more of an age than I to stamp his feet and demand one, but that didn't stop me sulking either. Despite my brother's protests he didn't get one, and was transported to Australia for his crimes. I on the other hand did get myself one, or should I say my wife at the time allowed me to buy one. I delighted I destroying Tetris, and messaging my brother on the other side of the world via FidoNet on BBSs. If you don't know what either of those things are, it was an 'email' that took days to get anywhere, being bounced though a bunch of home computers all linked by dial-up modems. Yeah, I can see anyone under 30 reading that, and being none the wiser. Just Google it!
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Anyway there you go, just a few toys I either dreamed of and never got, got but never wanted, got but in a half-hearted lesser than version, or got and gloated about getting. That is the joys and pains of toys and childhood. Oh and while we're on the subject, I just want to mention one more 'toy' that still confuses me to this day. Spirograph, what the hell was that all about? A supposed infinite combination of geometric patterns could be created from a Spirograph kit. If you could managed to create said pattern, a) before the wheel slipped and your pen ripped through the paper, or b) your pen just simply ran out and despite digging through the kitchen junk draw you couldn't find one to complete your mind bending masterpiece.
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As parents we hold a great responsibility to the mental well-being of our children, and a big part if that is getting them the 'right' toys. One wrong purchase, one corner cut, one "Oh but that has educational value let's get little Johnny that!" And you are consigning your child to not only a childhood of playground embarrassment, but an adulthood of harking back to what could have been. Only if your parents weren't such dumb-asses when it came to really understanding what kids want. They say that we learn from our parents mistakes, and that's exactly why my 3 year old has a mini size drum-kit in the living room. Much to the annoyance of my neighbour. But hey! Who knows, one day he may become the next great rock drummer. I was never going to achieve that status with my Pocket Simon and Spirograph.