Ten Worst Comic Book Superhero Movies
Superhero movies seem to be all the rage, as Marvel licence everything they can, to be turned into a cinematic cash cow. We've seen Superman rebooted twice, Spiderman equally go through various incarnations. There have been some major hits and some insanely bad misses, but let's have a look back at some of the superhero movies of the past, that have been all spandex and no substance. Movies that have attempted to cash-in on the success of comic book superheroes, but crashed to earth like Superman wearing Kryptonite underwear. From TV movies to full-fledged, high-budget, high concept failures. It would seem none of our childhood comic book heroes were safe, from the hands of movie makers trying to make a quick buck. Let's take a look at ten of the best "what were they thinking" superhero movies of yesteryear.
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Dr. Strange (1978): The Marvel superhero, created by Steve Ditko, first appeared in Strange Tales #110 (July 1963).
Okay, so it was the 70s, and Dr. Strange does have a moustache. But to cast a guy that looks like a cross between porn star John Holmes and older brother of Steve Guttenberg, sporting a Tom Selleck tash, wearing as much gold as Mr. T, is just too much to take. A TV movie, that thankfully didn't make it to a full blown series. Being made in the 70s doesn't excuse this campy piece of trash, that utterly seems to miss the mark. It feels like the makers briefly flicked through a couple of Dr. Strange comic books and said, "Yeah, yeah! We get it!" And then went and made something that bears little relation to the source material. Turning Dr. Strange from a comic book hero, into a dude that'd not be out of place in Saturday Night Fever.
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Supergirl (1984): The female counterpart of Superman, she first appeared as a fully fledged character in Action Comics #252 (May 1959).
It's a hard balance for any movie to be both camp and boring, but Supergirl does manage it. Apparently the script was so bad that Christopher Reeve turned down being in the movie. And he still went on to make Superman IV (also on the list). Okay Helen Slater looks sexy, and, and that's it. That's literally the only redeeming aspect of the the movie. What had the potential for being a feminist trope on 80s female empowerment, became a sexist diatribe about how weak and pathetic the male film-makers thought women are. Featuring a love story, bitch fighting and cosmetics. The movie literally couldn't be any more patronising to women if it had tried. A spin-off they really should have left alone.
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Superman IV: The Quest For Peace (1987): The superhero of all superheroes, created by writer Jerry Siegel and artist Joe Shuster in 1933.
Now Richard Donner created a classic with 1978's Superman, and with Richard Lester managed a good sequel in 1980. Then Lester went on to make the awful third instalment in 1983. Then there was the failure of 1984's Supergirl. So whatever possessed them to make Superman IV? The career killing abomination that is this movie, is simply beyond comprehension. Reeve's looks as if he has all but given up, as did the special effects artists and the the bloke playing Nuclear Man?! So bad, that they had his voice dubbed by Gene Hackman. Yes, the very same Gene Hackman that was reprising his role as Lex Luthor. A perfect example of when the cash cow finally ran dry.
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Fantastic Four (1994): The first superhero team created by Stan Lee, and first appeared in The Fantastic Four #1 (November 1961).
The story goes that this movie was never supposed to be released. And was only made to protect the ownership rights to the Fantastic Four. Produced by b-movie auteur Roger Corman, with a limited $1 million budget, this version of the Fantastic Four has gone down in cult movie history. And has become a legend of the Internet bootleg market. A supposed origins story, taken from both Fantastic Four #1 and #2. The plot, the costumes, the special effects, and that wig! How could the cast and crew not know they were making a turkey? However, knowing the back story, and thus accepting the awfulness, it does make this a campy guilty secret of a movie.
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Judge Dredd (1995): Created by writer John Wagner and artist Carlos Ezquerra, he first appeared in the second issue of 2000 AD (1977).
"He removed his helmet!!!" How did the makers of this utter nonsense manage to make the biggest fuck-up in the transfer of comic book hero to the cinema screen? Especially to reveal Sylvester Stallone, when you were expecting a gnarled Clint Eastwood, al la Dirty Harry. Fans had waited years not to see Judge Dredd's face on-screen, and then they not only show it, but throughout most of the movie. With a Ron Schneider's inanely grinning face alongside him. An utter abomination of a movie, that only has the IMDb rating that it does because American audiences didn't understand the sublime beauty of the source material, along with the film-makers. Who should be judged and shot!
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Barb Wire (1996): Bar owner and part-time bounty hunter, Barb Wire first appeared in Dark Horse Comics in 1994.
Apparently the plot foe Bard Wire the movie was loosely based on Casablanca. Yeah, and her sex tape with Tommy Lee was loosely based on Deep Throat. This is one of those movie adaptations, that the source material sucked, so the movie was really going to suck. And wow, does Pamela Anderson suck, at acting. If there was an IMDb rating for that infamous sex-tape (there isn't I checked), it would getting a higher rating than this piece of trash. As unconvincing and vacuous as Pammy herself, they should wrap barbedwire around every copy of this movie, so no one can accidentally get their hands on a copy and damage themselves.
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The Phantom (1996): Based on one of the longest running newspaper comic-strips in history, created by Lee Falk in 1936.
Billy Zane as The Phantom is more wooden than the African jungle his character of The Phantom inhabits. There are people who "rate" the movie, as a good ripping-yarn. Others that call it a dumb cross between Batman and Indiana Jones. And to be fair to the movie, it is faithful to the source material. But that's also it's problem. It feels like it should have been made as a Saturday morning matinee serial back in the 1940s, rather than a superhero flick from the 1990s. It's cheesy and camp, which is fine, if that was what it was supposed to be. But somehow the makers missed the mark, and produced something that's just simply boring.
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Batman And Robin (1997): The character was created by artist Bob Kane and writer Bill Finger, and first appeared in Detective Comics #27 (May 1939). The character of Robin (Dick Grayson) first appearing in Detective Comics #38 (April 1940).
Often listed as one of the worst of all the many Batman movies. Even campier than the 1966 Batman movie, and that's saying something. With a stunning cast of actors, this should have been a blockbuster, of the 90s franchise. But instead killed it. Forget the bat-nipples, this movie sucked at the teat of terrible. What was Joel Schumacher thinking? He'd already screwed it with 1995's Batman Forever, with two heroes and two villains. He upped the ante with this. More camp, more heroes (Batgirl) and more villains Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy, and Bane. Talk about over-load. Thankfully, this movie did kill the horrible series, and allowed a much darker reboot to take it place in the 2000s.
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Justice League Of America (1997):
Another made-for-TV movie that didn't get a series thankfully. Poor old DC Comics, they really weren't doing too well in 1997, and I don't think they have ever recovered. Not only did the awful Batman And Robin hit the screens, but the much much worse pilot for Justice League Of America was made. Considered generally to be one of the worst comic book adaptations in the history of life the universe and everything. And utterly cringe-worthy, bad special effects, badly acted, bad all round embarrassment to not only the source material but even to bad 90s TV shows. And that's saying something. Best just left as a foot-note in quirky movie history.
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Steel (1997): As a spin-off during the Death of Superman story arc, Steel first appearing in The Adventures of Superman #500 (June 1993).
Following the Death of Superman storyline in DC comics where Superman is killed fighting Doomsday, four new superheroes arose to replace Superman…and the worst one of those was actually turned into a film…Steel! Played by Basketball star Shaquille O’Neal, Steel was John Henry Irons, a weapons designer for the military. No..seriously! When his weapons are used by criminals, he builds a suit of armor with a big hammer to fight crime. With a very modest budget of $16 million, the film did not even make over $2 million at the boxoffice. With a failed career as a rap star and actor, O'Neil should have just stayed on the basketball court.
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